[Private Entry]

Strange dreams last night.

Closed doors that I didn't want to open because of the sounds behind them, and blood on the walls like when Suzie came back, and a gate that opened to the stars, and sometimes Lisa was there and sometimes Lorne was, and sometimes Lisa was Lorne and saying we could be together if I'd just let her take my brain, and I wanted to, I wanted to so much, because fuck it all I miss her and I miss him and sometimes he feels farther away than death.

And Jack holding my shoulders and saying Don't go.

I woke up and wrapped myself in Lorne's blanket and sat by the front window for a while. Couldn't get back to sleep. Didn't want to.