Allow me to modify that: you're the wisest person I know that I can talk to about this.
You're right, there really isn't anything I can do. I don't like feeling this way at all.
Lorne and I (and no, I don't think he'd want me calling him by his first name even now) haven't talked about 'us' as such. There have been moments when we've both come very close to it, I think, but he really can't go further, the American military being what it is, and I haven't felt that I should, under my circumstances.
When it comes to commitment and all that: no, Jack and I haven't talked about that, and I don't think it's something he would be interested in. I've been trying to just enjoy it one day at a time and not think about the future; Jack being Jack, he may get tired of me tomorrow, he may want me around for the next thirty years. I just don't know and I try not to think about it much, to be honest.
I know they both would give me vastly different relationships: being with Jack is fun and passionate and friendly but not serious, and if I'm reading Lorne right (and I think I am) being with him would be . . . god. Permanent.
Which is rather terrifying.
But there's so much he'd have to give up to be with me and I can't ask him to do that on the chance that we might actually have something. And I can't ask Jack to step aside and wait while I give Lorne a try, that wouldn't be fair to either of them.
They're both good men--very different from other each other, but similar, at least, in that.
And I'm wondering at the moment if the attraction to Lorne is more due to his unavailability than anything else--now that I have Jack, I want something else to pine after? Am I that screwed up?
no subject
You're right, there really isn't anything I can do. I don't like feeling this way at all.
Lorne and I (and no, I don't think he'd want me calling him by his first name even now) haven't talked about 'us' as such. There have been moments when we've both come very close to it, I think, but he really can't go further, the American military being what it is, and I haven't felt that I should, under my circumstances.
When it comes to commitment and all that: no, Jack and I haven't talked about that, and I don't think it's something he would be interested in. I've been trying to just enjoy it one day at a time and not think about the future; Jack being Jack, he may get tired of me tomorrow, he may want me around for the next thirty years. I just don't know and I try not to think about it much, to be honest.
I know they both would give me vastly different relationships: being with Jack is fun and passionate and friendly but not serious, and if I'm reading Lorne right (and I think I am) being with him would be . . . god. Permanent.
Which is rather terrifying.
But there's so much he'd have to give up to be with me and I can't ask him to do that on the chance that we might actually have something. And I can't ask Jack to step aside and wait while I give Lorne a try, that wouldn't be fair to either of them.
They're both good men--very different from other each other, but similar, at least, in that.
And I'm wondering at the moment if the attraction to Lorne is more due to his unavailability than anything else--now that I have Jack, I want something else to pine after? Am I that screwed up?