I'm just no good at dealing with hypotheticals. I want to know for sure if it'd be worth it. I want to know for sure if we'd be happy. I don't like wondering. And I know that's not how these things work.

What did that song say? "I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery?" This feels like waiting to win the lottery sometimes.

I'm not scared because of the possible consequences (well, not entirely). I'm scared because I've never really done this with a guy before. Had a relationship, I mean, if that's what this is.