I also lost my wife. The circumstances surrounding it...ah, where to begin with that? It's a long, messy story, and if you want to know the details, tell me and I'll fill you in if you think it may help you. The short story is she was taken from me, I went after her, and when I finally reached her, she thanked me by taking her own life in front of me while I watched, unable to stop her.
Believe me, my friend, I do understand about good days and bad days. When it happened, I wanted to die. I wanted to find someone who would pity me and put me out of my misery, because I just felt so...alone and empty. Even now, sometimes I do feel that way. It's quite surreal.
I often wonder if I've had more bad days than good ones, and I also find it amazing that I've managed to not only survive for as long as I have, but that I've even learned to want to go on living. It's been almost four years for me, now. Some days, I don't think of her at all, and then other days, it's like she's there, and it hurts all over again, and it's just crushing.
Grief is a terrible, powerful emotion. It has such a hold over us, and seems to taunt us, letting us think we've finally escaped it only to come up and, as you say, blindside you.
You will find your own coping strategies. Some will work, some won't. Sometimes, you'll go for months and be fine, and then it will hit you. I wish you all the best in battling your demons. I know that I haven't been entirely successful in coping with mine.
If I can offer you one piece of advice (feel free to take it or leave it), don't let your guilt consume you. For the longest time, I thought I was going to drown in the weight of mine, until I realized what I was feeling guilty for. I felt guilty for the fact that I was alive... If you can let go to just that, you'll find that you feel a bit better.
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I also lost my wife. The circumstances surrounding it...ah, where to begin with that? It's a long, messy story, and if you want to know the details, tell me and I'll fill you in if you think it may help you. The short story is she was taken from me, I went after her, and when I finally reached her, she thanked me by taking her own life in front of me while I watched, unable to stop her.
Believe me, my friend, I do understand about good days and bad days. When it happened, I wanted to die. I wanted to find someone who would pity me and put me out of my misery, because I just felt so...alone and empty. Even now, sometimes I do feel that way. It's quite surreal.
I often wonder if I've had more bad days than good ones, and I also find it amazing that I've managed to not only survive for as long as I have, but that I've even learned to want to go on living. It's been almost four years for me, now. Some days, I don't think of her at all, and then other days, it's like she's there, and it hurts all over again, and it's just crushing.
Grief is a terrible, powerful emotion. It has such a hold over us, and seems to taunt us, letting us think we've finally escaped it only to come up and, as you say, blindside you.
You will find your own coping strategies. Some will work, some won't. Sometimes, you'll go for months and be fine, and then it will hit you. I wish you all the best in battling your demons. I know that I haven't been entirely successful in coping with mine.
If I can offer you one piece of advice (feel free to take it or leave it), don't let your guilt consume you. For the longest time, I thought I was going to drown in the weight of mine, until I realized what I was feeling guilty for. I felt guilty for the fact that I was alive... If you can let go to just that, you'll find that you feel a bit better.
Sorry for rambling...