Well, 1) you're married, and 2)you're married, and 3)you're married. So it didn't even cross my mind.
[Private to Near] The morgue: Institute policy. We also store all personal possessions in perpetuity.
And I don't do the job without thinking of her. I think of her constantly.
in a significant relationship you have to reach a point where you're not afraid to let them see all sides of you Except for Dafydd when I was in school I've never had a boyfriend. I've slept with other men but as for a relationship, it's only happened the once, and I've preferred it that way. No romance, no drama, just straightforward sex.
It's different with women: having a girlfriend is so much easier than having a boyfriend. It would be very difficult for me to be a friend and a lover to another man. I don't know if I could do it, I really don't. I'd rather just fuck him--any hypothetical him--and be done with it.
And people think being bisexual is easy.
I've got so deep into the habit of not exposing myself completely to anyone I don't know if I can every stop. There's that, too. This journal is one of the few places I'm completely honest about what I'm feeling and thinking. I'm slowly learning to be better about it with Jack, but it's difficult. Once you start harding it's hard to stop. You get accustomed to the dynamics of a relationship and then everything shifts. I'm still regaining my balance.
I'd prefer for Jack to be the one to help me find my feet again, but there's the patterns of my past relationships with men to contend with, and our shared history, and the fact that he is not a safe person and he knows this. I knew it too, I think, but didn't want to consider it until he said it to me.
I know they're good people. We wouldn't do what we do if we weren't. But being good doesn't depend on being nice, and GOD sometimes I wish I knew more people were nice.
no subject
The morgue: Institute policy. We also store all personal possessions in perpetuity.
And I don't do the job without thinking of her. I think of her constantly.
in a significant relationship you have to reach a point where you're not afraid to let them see all sides of you
Except for Dafydd when I was in school I've never had a boyfriend. I've slept with other men but as for a relationship, it's only happened the once, and I've preferred it that way. No romance, no drama, just straightforward sex.
It's different with women: having a girlfriend is so much easier than having a boyfriend. It would be very difficult for me to be a friend and a lover to another man. I don't know if I could do it, I really don't. I'd rather just fuck him--any hypothetical him--and be done with it.
And people think being bisexual is easy.
I've got so deep into the habit of not exposing myself completely to anyone I don't know if I can every stop. There's that, too. This journal is one of the few places I'm completely honest about what I'm feeling and thinking. I'm slowly learning to be better about it with Jack, but it's difficult. Once you start harding it's hard to stop. You get accustomed to the dynamics of a relationship and then everything shifts. I'm still regaining my balance.
I'd prefer for Jack to be the one to help me find my feet again, but there's the patterns of my past relationships with men to contend with, and our shared history, and the fact that he is not a safe person and he knows this. I knew it too, I think, but didn't want to consider it until he said it to me.
I know they're good people. We wouldn't do what we do if we weren't. But being good doesn't depend on being nice, and GOD sometimes I wish I knew more people were nice.