likesthecoat | [internet cafe] more of the same.

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Current Location: Cardiff
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quiz war

[internet cafe] more of the same.

1. What do you say most when you're trying not to curse?
I swear in Welsh a lot more than in English. It's so much more satisfying to say "Cachau!" than "Shite!"

2. Do you Own An Ipod?
No.

3. Which of your friends do you talk to the most?
Jack, probably. Him or Tosh.

4. What Time Is Your Alarm Clock Set To?
6 a.m. every day.

5. Do You have a broken heart?
. . . it's healing.

6. Do You Wear Flip-Flops When It's Cold?
Good lord, no.

7. Would You Rather Take The Picture Or Be In The Picture?
(Whoever wrote this capitalizes like A.A. Milne.) I'd rather take the picture.

8. What Was The Last Movie You Watched?
I watched one on the telly the other night, but I fell asleep before it ended. Had Spencer Tracy in it. Pat and Mike, I think?

9. But there was no nine...
Number nine . . . number nine . . . number nine . . .

10. Has Anyone Ever Called You Lazy?
Not since I was a schoolboy.

11. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep?
No.

12.
...Where's 12?

13. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?
Regular.

14. Has Anyone Told You A Secret This Week?
Yes.

15. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks?
It's been a year or more. The coffee I make myself is so much better.

16. Can You Whistle?
Yes.

17.Do you have a Trampoline In Your Back Yard?
No, but I don't have a back garden, either.

18. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back?
Probably.

19.
There was no question nineteen. I hate that.

20. What Movie Do You Know Every Line To?
. . . Shaun of the Dead.

21.
There was no twenty-one.

22.
No twenty-two, either. Is counting too difficult for these poeple...?!

23. Do You Own Any Band T-Shirts?
Oasis, the Beatles, Sex Pistols. Some of them are classics.

24. What Is Your Favorite Salad Dressing?
It depends on the salad, don't you think? I like something with a little bite to it, though.

25. Is anyone in love with you?
No.

26. Do You Do Your Own Dishes?
Yes.

27. Ever Cry In Public?
Not recently.

28.
?

29.
?

30.
?

31. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos?
Yes.

32. What Did You Do Before This?
Talked to Matt and Near a bit, made coffee, looked after Myfanwy.

33. When Was The Last Time You Slept On The Floor?
I can't sleep on the floor. I sleep on sofas just fine, though.

34. How Many Hours Of Sleep Do You Need To Function?
I've managed on two.

35. Do You Eat Breakfast Daily
Yes.

36. Are Your Days Full And Fast ?
The days are just packed.

37. What are you doing right now?
Killing time in the tourist office.

38. Do you use sarcasm?
Frequently and well.

39.
...This is actually starting to annoy me. I'm with Near.

40. Are You Picky About Spelling And Grammar?
Yes.

41. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?
No, I don't believe I have.

42. Have you ever got beaten up?
Yes.

43. Do You Get Along Better With The Same Sex Or The Opposite?
I get along fine with both. (As well I should, I'd say.)

44.
...

45. Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach, Or Back?
My side, usually.

46. Do You Watch The news?
Yes.

47. How Did You Get Your Scars?
The scars on my knees are from rugby, and I have one on my neck from work.

48. Who Was The Last Person To Make You Mad?
O. He's very good at it.

49. Do you like anyone?
Yes.

50. What was the last item you purchased?
The shopping over the weekend. I treated myself to some grapes.

I'm almost afraid of the answers I'll get to this one:

If I had amnesia, what would you tell me about myself? Personality, hobbies, relationships, friendships and general information are all fair game.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Let's see.... Your name is Ianto. You live in Cardiff. You work for an Organization of some sort, doing Important Things and probably saving Earth from disasters of untold magnitude(?). You've got a family somewhere. It's fairly substantial, but good luck finding them with a name like Jones to work with. (It is Jones, right?) You like coffee and video games ~~and Captain Jack~~. You're a good guy and you look great in a suit.

And I'd probably also tell you to hang in there. It can't be fun not to know anything about yourself, but if you stick with it, it'll come back to you. And in the meantime, you'd be free to come and yell at me when you get frustrated with not being able to remember if you bought those Alien vs. Predator boxers for yourself or if someone gave them to you as a joke.

It's Jones, yes.

if you bought those Alien vs. Predator boxers for yourself or if someone gave them to you as a joke. How did you know?!?

To this day, you remain the only person with whom I have had a serious conversation about underwear.

I don't know whether to be pleased or frightened.

...Grapes are a treat for you? I can't entirely believe I'm saying this, but... perhaps you need to get out more?

Hmm... Amnesia comment...

Your name is Ianto Jones, you come from a large family that you seem to get along with. You're single, bisexual, and you work for a shadowy semi-government organization in Cardiff, which you appear to find very gratifying. You speak a number of languages, Japanese and Welsh among them, and you're very fond of coffee and running. You're fashionable and entertaining, but you're also reliable and more of a behind-the-scenes sort of person. You're slightly pedantic but extremely personable, and you're well liked by most people. You're also slightly competitive, and you like to tease your friends.

I don't buy fresh produce very often because you never know when it's going to be days between getting home, and I hate discovering a pile of brown goo in the produce bin.

Pedantic? Hrmph.

Ah, that's actually understandable. I've been living out of hotels where they generally keep the bowl in the room stocked, but if I were working away from home a lot...

You know it's true, Ianto~ ~~It's part of your considerable charm, anyway.~~

I suppose it is, but it still makes me feel stuffy. ~~At least I have some charm. I'll take comfort in that.~~

Which one of us is the ~~old~~ settled, married one...? You're just particular. There's nothing wrong with that. ~~You've got plenty of charm, and well you know it it. You're just fishing now~~~

I still feel stuffy. And old. And very bachelor-ish.

~~. . . yes, I am. Pet me, damn it.~~

...You know, I don't think I actually know how old you are. So no slights there. Is being a bachelor a bad thing, then?

~~I think Matt might object to that, somehow. But I could tell you that I like you as a friend and I don't think you're stuffy at all...?~~

I'm twenty-six.

Being a bachelor isn't so bad, I suppose--I just didn't expect to be at this point.

~~I know, I know. Sorry. I'm not doing very well today with--stuff.~~

Ah. That's hardly old, you know.

Hmm. I think life or fate or our own subconscious (or possibly all of the above) goes out of its way to ensure that we end up in situations that are the exact and complete opposite of what we'd originally intended. I certainly never meant to have a serious relationship, much less be married, at any point in my life, let alone before I was out of my teens. Give it time. You're still very young if you want to go the... non-bachelor route.

We love you for your pedantry, really. If not for you, we'd be overrun with ridiculous smilies and leet speak. And if you mention this later I will deny it completely, but it's occasionally nice to be corrected. Is there anything specific troubling you? Did you want to talk about it?

I know it's not old. I just feel terribly old sometimes.

[Private to Near]
Tosh, one of my colleagues, met someone this week, and this someone put her in terrible danger, and Tosh could have died and Jack had to take drastic measures.

I couldn't have bourne another death. Just couldn't.

You realize I'm virtually obliged to encourage you to feel someone younger for a little while, yes...?

[Private to Ianto]

That's dreadful. 'Met someone' as in, tried to have a relationship with? I'm glad she's all right, and that it was dealt with, but... I don't quite know what to say. The line of work you're in --we're in, really-- doesn't necessarily lend itself to gold watches/steak knives/etc. It's terrible, but it's true. I wish I had something more reassuring to say, but that's the fact of it. All you can do is be as cautious as possible, and be grateful that you have a good team who are supportive and willing to take the necessary action.

I don't really know what else to say, other than that I'm sorry, and I can relate. It's... hard sometimes. But there's really very little you can do about it-- you can either choose to harden yourself so that you won't feel anything, or you can just go on the way you are and let yourself be crushed if the worst happens. I've done both, and I don't know which is better, to be honest.

...I'm not doing a very good job at the fatherly advice this time, am I...? I'm not very good at this subject, really. Loss is always difficult. I don't think there's any good advice to give, is there?

You are going to be punished for that joke. If not by me, then by karma.

[Private to Near]
'Met someone' as in, tried to have a relationship with? Yes. And I think they actually had a relationship for a bit. Tosh was happy. And then it all went to shit.

I know this line of work doesn't lend itself to longevity. We actually have our own morgue, and it's nearly full. And last year, when Lisa was injured, hundreds more of our colleagues died.

I've lost too many friends already.

Jack and I have started talking about things between us, and he said if there's anything ever I need to discuss I shouldn't be afraid to come to him--but it's not fear that keeps me back, it really isn't. It's that I'm the calm one, the strong one, the one he'd be lost without--and when you establish yourself as the strong one it's terribly hard for others to accept when you need to be weak. Or at least when you need to be supported for a while.

I don't know. I don't know how to deal with this at all. Sometimes we're so much like a family and sometimes I look around and realize I don't really know any of them. I'd die for them, I really would, but--like with these silly games--if I had to tell any of them who they are, I'm not sure what I'd say.

When I said no petting, should I have included no punishing as well? When I said 'someone younger' I wasn't volunteering, you know...

[Private to Ianto]

...That really is dreadful. We have a cemetery back at Wammy's, but that's not quite the same thing. It can't be conductive to a psychologically healthy working environment... Did Lisa work with you, then?

I know. I absolutely do know, believe me. But sometimes... Mmm. Sometimes it can be good for others to be the one giving the support. It helps their self-esteem and can strengthen bonds between people as it allows both parties to experience both sides of the relationship so that they can give each other more and understand each other better.

Is it at all possible that you just want him to have a particular image of you, and letting him see the weaker sides of you would jeopardize that? If he depends on you as things are, I don't think it would diminish his view of you; if he asks for your help and depends on you, he obviously acknowledges his own weaknesses, so I don't think he would be inclined to think badly of you for yours. Especially not about things like this. It's human nature to fear loss, and to be damaged by it. You can't just... be exactly as you were before these things happened, and I don't think anyone would expect you to.

...That really is like a family, though, isn't it...? I mean... Granted, I've never actually had one, but it's my understanding that a familial bond is more than just knowing all aspects of an individual's personality, it's a sense of belonging and camaraderie and loyalty and protectiveness. Family members don't always know each other that well, and most of the time, they don't have a lot in common. All they need to know, and all they need to have in common, is that they are a family. That's what really counts. If you rely on them, you don't need to know any more...

...But if you'd like to, the opportunity is there, isn't it? You've said before that you sometimes go on group outings and drinking sessions-- pester people for irrelevant personal details some time when they're... less than sober, or just not in "work mode". Send some of these memes around the office in an email. If you want. But if you don't... Your current connection to them is still very obviously strong.

I don't really talk to anyone other than Matt, outside of online. There was L, but he died, and there was Mello, but we obviously don't speak any more (not that we ever did speak much to begin with). They were the two people I was closest to in my life, and I don't know how well I knew either of them-- in fact, I know for definite that I didn't know Mello at all, and I can't speak for L. I was just a child when he died, and he was away so often and so... He was very different.

I've only gotten to know Matt because of the truly staggering amount of time we've spent together-- getting information out of him is like pulling teeth sometimes. There are still a lot of things about him that I don't know, what I know the most is what he is to me-- which is how you know your team, and, I think, how most people know one another. It's a little different on here, of course, because very few people are actually involved in one another's lives, so we sort of know each other for who we are rather than for what roles they fulfill for us. ...If that makes any sense.

In any case, my point was simply this: don't worry if you don't know them on the intimate level that you might like to, because you all obviously connect very well as it is. But if you do want to get to know them better, I think you could make it possible.

I never thought you were, Near.

[Private to Near]
Did Lisa work with you, then? She did, at the London location. Where we also had a morgue, but it wasn't quite as in plain sight as the one in Cardiff.

Is it at all possible that you just want him to have a particular image of you, and letting him see the weaker sides of you would jeopardize that?
It's entirely possible. It's quite probable, in fact. I like being the strong one, except when it's days like these and I wish I could just fall apart and no one would think it strange.

I think sometimes it's possible--Gwen tries to get us to talk to each other, but she . . . she doesn't pay much mind to me. I hadn't really noticed until we were out on a field assignment and I realised that she and the rest of them had completely forgot my girlfriend had just died. I'd never been so . . . not angry. Just disappointed. Perhaps a bit bitter.

Okay, maybe angry too.

Should I take that as an insult? D:

[Private to Ianto]

I see. ~~I still think that morgue business is very unnerving... Necessary, I'm sure, but unnerving nonetheless.~~ It must be difficult for you to do the job without thinking of her, then. But at least you never have to be regretful about having kept secrets.

I do, too. But I think --and I'm not saying that Jack is or isn't the one who should be this person for you, because I wouldn't presume to know-- that in a... significant relationship you have to reach a point where you're not afraid to let them see all sides of you. Even the weak ones. It's hard and it takes time but it really is worth it in the end.

Although... To be honest, I've never really had to create much of an image. I tend to just express whatever's on my mind, unless I have exceptional reason not to... Except maybe for a little while at the end of my last case. That was different, though, because I was sort of in the middle of a transition and I didn't see the point in having to talk that all through with people I wasn't going to be spending much time with afterwards anyway. On balance, though, I think it's better to just let people see you for who you are, and take it how they will.

It seems... rather cold that they forgot, but it's always easier for other people to forget than the one who's hurting, of course. And people can find it... difficult talking to others about their loss and accomodating that distress, so I think a lot of the time they just put it out of their head so they don't have to address it.

It's completely understandable for you to have been angry and bitter, though. It was very thoughtless on their part, but I'm sure it wasn't intentional or any reflection on you so much as it is an indication that people... are generally just very self-involved. Even the good ones.

Well, 1) you're married, and 2)you're married, and 3)you're married. So it didn't even cross my mind.

[Private to Near]
The morgue: Institute policy. We also store all personal possessions in perpetuity.

And I don't do the job without thinking of her. I think of her constantly.

in a significant relationship you have to reach a point where you're not afraid to let them see all sides of you
Except for Dafydd when I was in school I've never had a boyfriend. I've slept with other men but as for a relationship, it's only happened the once, and I've preferred it that way. No romance, no drama, just straightforward sex.

It's different with women: having a girlfriend is so much easier than having a boyfriend. It would be very difficult for me to be a friend and a lover to another man. I don't know if I could do it, I really don't. I'd rather just fuck him--any hypothetical him--and be done with it.

And people think being bisexual is easy.

I've got so deep into the habit of not exposing myself completely to anyone I don't know if I can every stop. There's that, too. This journal is one of the few places I'm completely honest about what I'm feeling and thinking. I'm slowly learning to be better about it with Jack, but it's difficult. Once you start harding it's hard to stop. You get accustomed to the dynamics of a relationship and then everything shifts. I'm still regaining my balance.

I'd prefer for Jack to be the one to help me find my feet again, but there's the patterns of my past relationships with men to contend with, and our shared history, and the fact that he is not a safe person and he knows this. I knew it too, I think, but didn't want to consider it until he said it to me.

I know they're good people. We wouldn't do what we do if we weren't. But being good doesn't depend on being nice, and GOD sometimes I wish I knew more people were nice.

That doesn't mean I'm not allowed a little harmless flirtation with my friends...! Especially ones who know I'm married and therefore wouldn't actually take me seriously. You could at least pretend to, though. For my ego, and all, so that I don't look quite so utterly ~~whipped~~ devoted.

[Private to Ianto]

...Very disturbing.

I don't know if that's worse or better than not thinking about her. For you, I mean.

I've never really been with anyone I wasn't in a relationship with. There was Mello, but, of course, at the time, I fully believed that was going to turn into a proper working partnership. Were you always both... lovers and friends with your previous girlfriends, then? I've never had any sort of relationship with a woman, so I'm afraid I'm rather lost on the difference between a homosexual relationship and a heterosexual one. Is it really that different? I understand the social difficulties regards other people, of course, but... Within the actual relationship, is there really that much of a difference?

Things are going to change anyway. You can't... ever stop that. Unfortunately. (I'm not a big fan of change, generally.) All you can do is... try to make sure they change in a way that you're comfortable with, and sometimes, that means pushing them and intervening before the changes happen all on their own. You have more control that way.

...What do you mean by 'safe', exactly? Literally or emotionally? Given what you've said earlier, none of you are particularly safe in a literal fashion, and in terms of emotions... No relationship is emotionally safe. You can try very hard and be as accepting as possible and as loving and open as you can, but that's about it. There is no guarantee that no one will get hurt. You can swear to try and hold yourself to it every day, but that's really where it begins and ends. Some people are less... able (or willing) to do those things than others, but no one's 'safe'. Not really. As for patterns... If it were worth it, you'd find yourself breaking them without even meaning to. If it's right, it'll happen without you even noticing. Without you even wanting it to.

I've actually only semi-recently discovered that there actually is a difference between the two, and how important it really is to be nice. It does make a big difference, I think.

[OOC: Near-mun has finally cracked and started watching 'Torchwood'. I. AM. HOOKED. I've watched 4 eps tonight already. I squee every time Ianto comes on screen. And I love that the first time you see him, he's got coffee and standing by a computer monitor. I can't help but notice that he must be back in the office alone every time the rest of the gang are out in the field, and I keep thinking, "So THAT'S how he manages to post all those memes...!" I can't separate canon and RP-verses, clearly. XD;]

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