likesthecoat | [the internet cafe] day two

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The one thing I can say definitively is that me-as-a-girl and me-in-drag are nothing alike.

So far I've noticed:

my center of gravity is different and I'm having trouble keeping my balance

I passed a woman with twins in a stroller yesterday while I was out (more on that in a moment) and had to stop and coo at them

I still have the same scars that I did before (more on that in a moment too)

My hands and feet are smaller though I'm roughly the same height. My waist is smaller but my hips are bigger, as is my chest. (Just a little, though, as I mentioned to Axel yesterday.)

I thought about calling in sick to work, but I'm not sick, I'm just . . . changed, so I decided not to be cowardly and just carry on. It took a while to convince everyone that it is, in fact, me: that I have both the scars on my knee and on my neck, as well as that I know exactly how they like their coffee and a few personal facts about each of them (nothing that isn't common knowledge among us, now was not the time to mention some observations I've made) pretty much settled the question. Owen wanted to examine me, so I let him (mostly because otherwise he'd keep asking and I wouldn't get anything done), and he confirmed that I am, in fact Ianto and a female. (My iris scan is the same as always, for example, as are my fingerprints even though my fingers are more slender. An interesting side effect.)

Gwen then decided I need to learn how to be a girl. She mentioned learning to walk in high heels (to which I said, "I'm five-foot-eleven, do you really think I need high heels?") and putting on makeup (which sparked a brief argument between Tosh and Gwen about cultural expectations, and they both said some very odd but complimentary things about my skin).Gwen said yes, I looked fine (I put this entirely on the helpful sales girls yesterday at Harrod's--I never knew buying the right underwear could be so complicated, but finding professional clothing was quite easy) but what if the virus doesn't clear up after a few days? What if I have to live as a woman for a longer period of time? I need to learn things women learn as they grow up.

Owen then said if I felt I needed dating experience he'd be willing to show me the ropes. I took away his coffee.

The three of us are going out for lunch later, and Tosh has assured me she has far more practical advice than how to apply mascara. (Apparently you open your mouth to open your eyes more widely. Hm.) I assume most of this advice will be how to deal with unwanted attention and things of that nature. I think that will be very helpful.

Of course, they also wanted to know about TIC so I showed them the main site and promised I wasn't revealing anything I wouldn't write in a letter to my mother. (Which is mostly true. As far as they can tell.) Tosh is running some tests on our system but since the networks are unrelated I doubt there will be any kind of infection.

There are a few things I want to ask them about, that I noticed yesterday. I was greeted by strangers a lot more often yesterday, and it was much easier to talk to the salesgirls than normally too. Normally I'm in and out of a store in a few minutes, but yesterday I may have dawdled a bit. Now, I don't buy the "men are from Mars and women are from Venus" theory and I don't feel largely different from normal. But there are things that catch my attention more than usual, and this entry is already twice as long as my usual, too. Which feels significant.

I've also been listening to Lisa's CDs. And there were a few tears, I admit. I don't usually cry to music, but last night . . . well. I'm sure you can understand.

So, I don't know. I feel like me, just . . . softer? This is one of the stranger things that has happened to me but I think I'm managing very well.

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The hips thing is definitely something that will take getting used to. And believe me, you're lucky that you've got a small chest. I'm dealing with a pretty impressive rack here.

Also, you're lucky you had shopgirls to help you. I had to try to find a sympathetic female with an equally large chest to help me out with that. And I have to work with her, even after I change back.

The reality of this whole thing is putting quite a damper on the enthusiastic curiousity I had yesterday.

Do you find you keep bumping into things? I'm still getting used to my new personal space.

I'm compensating in the wrong areas. My shoulders aren't as broad any more, but my hips are much wider. I was kicked out of the labs yesterday because I kept bumping into tables and knocking things over.

I've never been clumsy before. It doesn't suit me.

Also, I keep looking at my icon and thinking, "That's me, but that's not what I look like right now." It's starting to freak me out a little.

Oh, and thanks for bringing up the possibility that this might last more than 72 hours. I hadn't given it serious thought before.

Tosh doesn't trust any diagnosis she can't verify. I'm hopeful the TIC mod knows what she's talking about. Otherwise . . . God. I can handle this for a few days, but longer than that? I don't want to think about it.

I haven't dropped a coffee tray, at least.

I know how that feels, with the icons and such: I decided not to try driving for a bit as my ID isn't . . . me at the moment.

If you're still worried about dropping coffee, you clearly haven't changed all that much.

I can just see you trying to explain that to a policeman. "Honestly, officer, I was a man just two days ago."

I'm going to be more than a little pissed if this lasts more than three days. Weir has me grounded until I'm back to being...well, me.

Yes, clearly my priorities are straight.

Exactly--not a chance I want to take at this juncture.

I don't do much field work as it is so this hasn't made a difference in that area.

[Private to Ianto]

Just out of morbid curiosity, how's the Captain taking this change?

[Private to Lorne]
He thinks it's hilarious.

You mean your height wasn't effected. Damn did you get lucky. I went from being about six foot to being about five foot six.

I guess this effects people differently.

God it's weird getting used to a new level of height...you wouldn't think it'd make much of a difference but it does.

I lost about an inch and a half in height, but otherwise, no. I suppose my frame suits a tall woman?

I hope your lunch went well and that you didn't have too many problems with your friends or any strangers.

For the record: I think you're managing well, too.

It was good, but it was also rather unsettling. They both seem to think I'm going to have to deal with a lot of flirtation, which is absurd. Also when I mentioned going out to a pub they both jumped on it: "Don't go alone! Go with someone!" which is also absurd. This is Cardiff, for God's sake.

I pointed out I know how men are, and they said, no, I know how men are with other men, I don't know how they are with women. Which is true but . . . it just seems a bit paranoid to me. As if they expect someone to attck me around every corner.

I think they think I'm more naive than I actually am.

Well... You are different now. And people are going to see you differently. You're probably not going to be the victim of a random attack, but you should remember that you're not yourself, and given what you said about having trouble with your balance, it couldn't hurt to be a little more cautious and vigilant than normal.

I don't know; despite my current state, I'm not actually a woman and I don't know what it's like to be outside alone as one. Maybe they really do have a better idea than either of us would...?

I've lived in this city most of my life: I know what it's like. I think they're just worried.

[the internet cafe] day two

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