[the internet cafe] day two

[likesthecoat]

[Filtered to Friends]

The one thing I can say definitively is that me-as-a-girl and me-in-drag are nothing alike.



So far I've noticed:

1. my center of gravity is different and I'm having trouble keeping my balance


2. I passed a woman with twins in a stroller yesterday while I was out (more on that in a moment) and had to stop and coo at them


3. I still have the same scars that I did before (more on that in a moment too)


4. My hands and feet are smaller though I'm roughly the same height. My waist is smaller but my hips are bigger, as is my chest. (Just a little, though, as I mentioned to Axel yesterday.)

I thought about calling in sick to work, but I'm not sick, I'm just . . . changed, so I decided not to be cowardly and just carry on. It took a while to convince everyone that it is, in fact, me: that I have both the scars on my knee and on my neck, as well as that I know exactly how they like their coffee and a few personal facts about each of them (nothing that isn't common knowledge among us, now was not the time to mention some observations I've made) pretty much settled the question. Owen wanted to examine me, so I let him (mostly because otherwise he'd keep asking and I wouldn't get anything done), and he confirmed that I am, in fact Ianto and a female. (My iris scan is the same as always, for example, as are my fingerprints even though my fingers are more slender. An interesting side effect.)

Gwen then decided I need to learn how to be a girl. She mentioned learning to walk in high heels (to which I said, "I'm five-foot-eleven, do you really think I need high heels?") and putting on makeup (which sparked a brief argument between Tosh and Gwen about cultural expectations, and they both said some very odd but complimentary things about my skin).Gwen said yes, I looked fine (I put this entirely on the helpful sales girls yesterday at Harrod's--I never knew buying the right underwear could be so complicated, but finding professional clothing was quite easy) but what if the virus doesn't clear up after a few days? What if I have to live as a woman for a longer period of time? I need to learn things women learn as they grow up.

Owen then said if I felt I needed dating experience he'd be willing to show me the ropes. I took away his coffee.

The three of us are going out for lunch later, and Tosh has assured me she has far more practical advice than how to apply mascara. (Apparently you open your mouth to open your eyes more widely. Hm.) I assume most of this advice will be how to deal with unwanted attention and things of that nature. I think that will be very helpful.

Of course, they also wanted to know about TIC so I showed them the main site and promised I wasn't revealing anything I wouldn't write in a letter to my mother. (Which is mostly true. As far as they can tell.) Tosh is running some tests on our system but since the networks are unrelated I doubt there will be any kind of infection.

There are a few things I want to ask them about, that I noticed yesterday. I was greeted by strangers a lot more often yesterday, and it was much easier to talk to the salesgirls than normally too. Normally I'm in and out of a store in a few minutes, but yesterday I may have dawdled a bit. Now, I don't buy the "men are from Mars and women are from Venus" theory and I don't feel largely different from normal. But there are things that catch my attention more than usual, and this entry is already twice as long as my usual, too. Which feels significant.

I've also been listening to Lisa's CDs. And there were a few tears, I admit. I don't usually cry to music, but last night . . . well. I'm sure you can understand.

So, I don't know. I feel like me, just . . . softer? This is one of the stranger things that has happened to me but I think I'm managing very well.

Comments

[legofortress.livejournal.com]

Well... You are different now. And people are going to see you differently. You're probably not going to be the victim of a random attack, but you should remember that you're not yourself, and given what you said about having trouble with your balance, it couldn't hurt to be a little more cautious and vigilant than normal.

I don't know; despite my current state, I'm not actually a woman and I don't know what it's like to be outside alone as one. Maybe they really do have a better idea than either of us would...?

[morethanteaboy.livejournal.com]

I've lived in this city most of my life: I know what it's like. I think they're just worried.