I know. I was just attempting to inject some humour into the comment in the only place I could see a spot for some, because I don't have very many friends and I would prefer not to drive the few I do have to committing suicide due to the depressing nature of my comments. I appreciate the thought, though. I trust you, as well-- that's why I asked you and Sam over next week, if you wanted to/can come. There aren't very many people I'd expose myself to in the state I expect to be in.
If you're fine with things as they are, then that's one thing, but... Don't take this the wrong way, Ianto, but you seem so very afraid about so much. It can't be good for you to be so scared about the realities of the person you're with. You doubt... You doubt everything-- how much he wants you, where he wants this to go, whether or not he's with just you... everything. And you're expecting more of yourself than you are of him, which (in my experience at least) never works out well. And it's horribly unfair, too. If you really are all right with that, then fine, but if you were... I don't think you'd have let yourself develop these feelings for Lorne, and I don't think you'd be talking to me about it, either.
I'm going to ask you this, and I know you're not going to answer, but you should at least force yourself to think about the question, if nothing else: do you love Lorne? Because... I think you do. It's not the same as it is with Jack-- you're talking about a "permanent" relationship with a man you've never met. So obviously, it's not just physical. And if I'm right... Don't you think you owe it to yourself --and to him-- to at least talk about exploring that with him? You're a wonderful person, Ianto. You'll make someone a very good partner one day. And I like Lorne a lot, I think he's someone who could make someone a wonderful partner, as well, so... Think about it. And... think about talking to him, too.
I didn't believe in soul mates before I was with Matt. And I don't say 'met' him, because it wasn't love at first sight. I've known him since I was eight years old and I barely looked at him until under a year ago. I certainly never thought he was my soul mate. But eventually it just got to the point where I realized... my life would be incomplete without him. If we weren't together anymore, for whatever reason... I would be more than bereaved. A part of me would be missing. I could never love anyone else, because the only reason I ever had for having feelings would be gone. Everyone I met would be compared to him, and found lacking, and it wouldn't be fair on them.
I know it's not like that for everyone. It wouldn't want to be, or the world would just be... well, it would cease to exist as we know it. I know myself and Matt are... ridiculously co-dependent, is the term. I wouldn't change it, though.
Anyway, my point is this: there may not be just one person for everyone, but if I know anything it's that finding one person that you can love-- really love, in the sense of wanting to wake up with them every morning and go to sleep beside them every night, and honestly imagine being around for the rest of your life without knowing that you'd be itching for freedom or be left feeling unfulfilled... It doesn't happen very often. I can't imagine ever being so lucky to find that twice; I'm amazed that it happened for me even once. But if it does --every time it does-- you owe it to yourself to go after it.
...Oh, you do, do you? Ooh, now I really do know something. Thanks for that.
Offer stands for next week, by the way. Pick Sam up and drag him down here. I'm sure we can find all manner of trouble to get into.
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If you're fine with things as they are, then that's one thing, but... Don't take this the wrong way, Ianto, but you seem so very afraid about so much. It can't be good for you to be so scared about the realities of the person you're with. You doubt... You doubt everything-- how much he wants you, where he wants this to go, whether or not he's with just you... everything. And you're expecting more of yourself than you are of him, which (in my experience at least) never works out well. And it's horribly unfair, too. If you really are all right with that, then fine, but if you were... I don't think you'd have let yourself develop these feelings for Lorne, and I don't think you'd be talking to me about it, either.
I'm going to ask you this, and I know you're not going to answer, but you should at least force yourself to think about the question, if nothing else: do you love Lorne? Because... I think you do. It's not the same as it is with Jack-- you're talking about a "permanent" relationship with a man you've never met. So obviously, it's not just physical. And if I'm right... Don't you think you owe it to yourself --and to him-- to at least talk about exploring that with him? You're a wonderful person, Ianto. You'll make someone a very good partner one day. And I like Lorne a lot, I think he's someone who could make someone a wonderful partner, as well, so... Think about it. And... think about talking to him, too.
I didn't believe in soul mates before I was with Matt. And I don't say 'met' him, because it wasn't love at first sight. I've known him since I was eight years old and I barely looked at him until under a year ago. I certainly never thought he was my soul mate. But eventually it just got to the point where I realized... my life would be incomplete without him. If we weren't together anymore, for whatever reason... I would be more than bereaved. A part of me would be missing. I could never love anyone else, because the only reason I ever had for having feelings would be gone. Everyone I met would be compared to him, and found lacking, and it wouldn't be fair on them.
I know it's not like that for everyone. It wouldn't want to be, or the world would just be... well, it would cease to exist as we know it. I know myself and Matt are... ridiculously co-dependent, is the term. I wouldn't change it, though.
Anyway, my point is this: there may not be just one person for everyone, but if I know anything it's that finding one person that you can love-- really love, in the sense of wanting to wake up with them every morning and go to sleep beside them every night, and honestly imagine being around for the rest of your life without knowing that you'd be itching for freedom or be left feeling unfulfilled... It doesn't happen very often. I can't imagine ever being so lucky to find that twice; I'm amazed that it happened for me even once. But if it does --every time it does-- you owe it to yourself to go after it.
...Oh, you do, do you? Ooh, now I really do know something. Thanks for that.
Offer stands for next week, by the way. Pick Sam up and drag him down here. I'm sure we can find all manner of trouble to get into.