I understand that as well. There have been so many times when I've prevented myself from making any progress in this arena, not feeling as if I deserve to move beyond the past and find happiness and peace. And perhaps, if the person were anyone but Hakkai, I wouldn't be able to. But, he's patiently stood by me for years, helping me confront my personal demons while facing equally as dark and deadly ones of his own. He never pushed me for anything, never told me to get over it... even when I was at my most ugly he supported me with his sense of humor, kind smile and gently berating words. But, I think the thing that convinced me the most that it was time to force myself forward was when I so nearly lost him just recently. By trying to avoid repeating the pain of my past, I magnified it tenfold. He's too dear to me to risk losing a second time by remaining complacent, not to mention the fact that I don't think I could endure that pain again.
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I understand that as well. There have been so many times when I've prevented myself from making any progress in this arena, not feeling as if I deserve to move beyond the past and find happiness and peace. And perhaps, if the person were anyone but Hakkai, I wouldn't be able to. But, he's patiently stood by me for years, helping me confront my personal demons while facing equally as dark and deadly ones of his own. He never pushed me for anything, never told me to get over it... even when I was at my most ugly he supported me with his sense of humor, kind smile and gently berating words. But, I think the thing that convinced me the most that it was time to force myself forward was when I so nearly lost him just recently. By trying to avoid repeating the pain of my past, I magnified it tenfold. He's too dear to me to risk losing a second time by remaining complacent, not to mention the fact that I don't think I could endure that pain again.