likesthecoat | (no subject)

[Filtered to Dean]

Dean, I'm so, so sorry. I can't even say how much. I'll miss him terribly.

[Filtered to Lorne]

They're not letting me go to Atlantis.

O'Neill called me into his office about half an hour ago and told me I failed the psych evaluation. He said I show a tendency towards OCD. I said yes, I put that on my application but I also put that it's under control. He said no, the psych eval said it's not and they can't accept me.

I told him that was bullshit and he said he's sorry but that's the rules. They're giving me an hour to pack and say goodbye to people and tell whoever needs telling that I'm coming home, and now there's that note from Dean about Sam, and I . . . god, I need you so much.

I don't know what to think. To have come this far and be turned away at the last minute, and for such a flimsy reason . . . I hate to sound paranoid but there has to be something more. I can't help but think this has something to do with Saxon and everything that went on yesterday, that they think I'm some kind of spy for him or something and are just using the OCD as an excuse. God, I don't know.

Devastated doesn't even begin to describe it.

I guess I'm going home. At least I still have the flat. I just . . . everything we hoped for, everything we dreamed of, gone, just like that.

[Filtered to Jack]

There's been a sudden change of plans and I find myself out of a job. I understand you're short one secretary. Shall I send you a C.V.?

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[Private to Ianto]

I don't know how realistic it is to expect to be able to change this, and O'Neill's damn stubborn when he wants to be, but I have to try. I have to do something.

I love you too. I love you so much.

[Private to Lorne]

They hustled me out of the base as fast as they could. I don't think there's any room to argue.

I feel so defeated right now I don't even want to try. I miss you so much but I feel like there's an impenetrable wall between us.

God, I wish this didn't hurt so much.

[Private to Ianto]

O'Neill wasn't exactly helpful when I emailed him either.

God, baby, please don't say things like that. We'll figure something else out.

[Private to Lorne]

The only thing I can see right now is to carry on as we have been.

And I think we're both mature enough to admit that hasn't exactly been smooth.

[Private to Ianto]

What do you want to do then?

[Private to Lorne]

I want to tell them to fuck themselves, kidnap you and take you away to a small island in the South Pacific where we can live on coconuts and love.

I admit it's not exactly realistic.

[Private to Ianto]

Not terribly, no. But it sounds good to me.

[Private to Lorne]

Want to run away together?

[Private to Ianto]

Yes. God, yes. So badly.

[Private to Lorne]

So do I.

Of course, I know we won't. But it's nice to dream.

By the way, I've already talked to Jack about coming back to Torchwood.

[Private to Ianto]

I still need to tell Sheppard, I guess.

[Private to Lorne]

I'm sure he'll be relieved not to be losing his 2IC after all.

[Private to Ianto]

Yeah. I'm sure he will be.

I could live with his disappointment right now.

[Private to Lorne]

Sweetheart, we've done all we could. We'll just have to carry on until we think of something else. Maybe I could work on some sort of liaison arrangement or something.

[Private to Ianto]

I know we have. That's what makes it so difficult.

What sort of arrangement?

[Private to Lorne]

I don't know. I'm just throwing out ideas at the moment. Something to connect Torchwood and the IOA, something that would get me out there sometimes and not require you to resign.

Part of the problem being that not even the UN knows about us, so I can't exactly show up at Parliment with a history of Torchwood under my arm and a list of requirements. And I know nothing about diplomacy.

[Private to Ianto]

Maybe if you talked to the UK's representative in the IOA?

I don't know, babe. I feel...defeated right now. I don't know how optimistic I can be.

[Private to Lorne]

I suspect he'll stand by O'Neill's decision.

So do I, really. I never occurred to me they could turn any of us away at this late date, but apparently they can.

[Private to Ianto]

I meant about the liaison idea actually.

I want there to be something I can do to change this, but I can't think of anything.

[Private to Lorne]

Oh, I see. Yes. Perhaps. Though I think I'll have to get permission from Parliment or something to do that . . . god, I don't know.

Maybe we just need to step back for a bit to think of something. Meantime . . . when you next get leave?

[Private to Ianto]

I still have my name down for New Year's, so...New Year's, I guess.

[Private to Lorne]

That's only three weeks. That's not unbearable. That's pretty good, in fact.

So, YAY, I GET TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AT NEW YEAR'S!!!

[Private to Ianto]

Not unbearable at all, all things considered.

So, YAY I GET TO VISIT MY BOYFRIEND AT NEW YEAR'S!!!

Oh, shit...people know about us.

[Private to Lorne]

Yes, they do. Should we say something about appreciating discretion?

Fuck. They're calling my flight. I have to go. I'll talk to you when we land. Whatever you think needs to be said, say it. I trust your judgement.

I love you, Evan.

Edited 2007-12-13 22:17 (UTC)

[Private to Ianto]

I...yeah...I'll make a post about it.

Have a safe flight, darling.

I love you too, Ianto.