likesthecoat: (in these stones horizons sing)
The key is not to panic.

I've run into Daleks before, at Torchwood London. They are ruthless. They are hugely xenophobic, to the point that all other life forms are worthy only of death. And they are nigh unto impossible to kill.

If you see one, don't even run. They'll just shoot you in your tracks. Surrender instead. It may earn you a few more minutes of life.

I'm hopeful it's just our Earth they're invading. I pray that's so.

Stay safe, all of you. Hold tight to your loved ones.

Oh, God, Kai-baby. Daddy and Tada love you so much.

[Private Entry]

I have never seen Jack just shut down the way he has. Somehow, that scares me more than the rest of this.
likesthecoat: (umbrella)
Just an update: we are adjusting, both as a team and as a family. Kai has asked a few times if Toshiko is coming to visit again, but we've tried to explain it in terms a three-year-old will understand and I'm beginning to think he gets it. This has meant, though, that he's been a bit more clingy and sad when it comes time for us to leave for the day, and when people come to visit he doesn't want them to leave, either. He hardly left his gram's arms when we visited my parents last.

Fortunately Jack has proved to be a good playmate for him lately, which should probably surprise no one. He may be God-only-knows how old and has traveled to parts of the universe you and I only see in our dreams, but he's also really just a small child inside.

Lorne is perfect, as always. (Aren't you, my love?)
likesthecoat: (heart)
[Filtered to friends]

We had a productive weekend here at the house: it is babyproofed within an inch of its life, if a house has a life, and it was field-tested by Rhodri himself. Matilda also got a taste of what it's going to be like from here on out: Rhodri was quite enamored of her and Matilda has decided he's part of the pack. I have a few pictures of the two of them sleeping on the floor together. I'm thrilled she was so patient: this bodes well for when Kai gets here.

Had some good talks with Mum and E&E, as well, so I'm feeling a lot more prepared than I had been for what it takes to look after a toddler. It's quite different from just playing with them for a few hours and then giving them back to Mummy, but with patience and energy it should work out.

[Private Entry]
Had a long talk with Jack, as well, before everyone got here, mainly about the sheer terror I've had at being a terrible father. Parenthood is like nothing else, and as much as I've thought about it and observed it there's really nothing that prepares you for it, is there? But he calmed me down and reminded me I brought him up well (his phrase), so I should do fine with a baby.

So I think I can handle this. And even if I can't . . . well, I will, anyway.
likesthecoat: (diary)
Now that I've had a little time to process it all, a reconstruction:

  • Q swaps bodies among several members of TIC, including Jack and Lorne.
  • A ZPM, the main power source of Ancient technology, falls through the Rift into Cardiff.
  • Ba'al, a Go'auld (Ancient pseudo-god*), follows it through.
  • Ba'al tracks the ZPM to the Hub.
  • Ba'al leaves his current host body and attaches himself to Jack (who is, let's remember in Lorne's body at the time.)
  • In the process, Jack gets killed. Being Jack, he doesn't stay dead.
  • All the more reason for Ba'al to stay with Jack. Only . . .
  • Q swaps everybody back. So:
  • Ba'al is now in Lorne's body, with his ordinary mortality. Ba'al wants Jack's immortality back.
  • Ba'al leaves Lorne's body, trying to get back into Jack's
  • At which point we shoot it.

I think I got all of it.

*Babylonian? Seem to remember him in the Bible. Elisha or Elijah. Blood sacrifice?


Jun. 7th, 2008 09:48 pm
likesthecoat: (saving the world)
[Private Entry]

Owen was knocked out for a few hours by a stun gun--well, stun stick, I suppose--and Jack is currently in the cells because he's possessed by an alien entity.

Fucking Torchwood.

At least Lorne is here. We're still not at a place where we can hold hands and be comfortable again, but he's smiling at me sometimes.

It helps.

Looks like it's going to be an all-nighter, figuring this out.


Jun. 6th, 2008 09:26 pm
likesthecoat: (tragic)
[Private Entry]


Someone has swapped the bodies of my boyfriend and my boss, who I used to sleep with.

Somebody kill me, please.
likesthecoat: (torchwood (text))
I took Lorne up to the Orkney Islands for his birthday. (And so I'd get a little vacation: Lorne made me promise not to think about the wedding or the house while we were there. I managed, mostly.) We got back late last night. No TV for four days, and I haven't even looked at a newspaper until today.

And now there's a bloody great hole where Los Angeles used to be.


(I asked Jack this morning why he didn't call me back and he gave me the most innocent look ever and said, "I wanted to prove we can manage without you--and look! The world's still here!"

This time, Harkness. This time.)
likesthecoat: (Default)
Jack and I had a talk last night, something I think we've been needing to say to each other for a long time. Nothing like facing the end of the world (again) to make you speak the truth, I suppose.

And the truth is I would miss him.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened to us all if Lorne had never come into my life, if I hadn't fallen for him, if Jack had loved me the way I wanted him to if Jack had wanted to keep me if things had been different between Jack and me. I suppose I would be happy, though in a different way than now.

If I didn't have Lorne a lot of things would be different.

It doesn't matter, anyway.

Time to look after Tommy one last time.
likesthecoat: (brain the size of a planet)
[Filtered to friends]

I will never get used to this.

Not to mention saving the day with seconds to spare.

And more bloody shirts to replace, and the duct tape adhesive to clean off the SUV.

[Private Entry]

Dear aliens everywhere,

stop killing Jack, please.

Thanks ever so,



Feb. 17th, 2008 11:21 pm
likesthecoat: (grrr)
[Private Entry]
Of course she's slept with Jack.

Half the known universe has slept with Jack. The other half just hasn't met him yet.

Stop being an idiot, Ifan.
likesthecoat: (eyebrow raise)
Dear TIC,

The Captain has cracked his nut. Please send help.



He's a good singer, though.

[ooc: La.]


Dec. 15th, 2007 09:44 pm
likesthecoat: (peace comes from within)
[Private Entry]

It's all too much, these last few days.

I refuse to believe we've lost our chance at happiness, but I don't see much hope in our immediate future. I don't want Lorne to retire for me, but that will mean waiting until he's at the retirement age. Twenty-five years of waiting and hoping and a few days here, a week or two there.

I'll be fifty.

Mum is so worried. She's been hovering over me all day. Now we know where I get it from.

Euan wants to go out for a beer but I don't want to face a pub. I want to get back to Cardiff. I'm needed there.

It's a terrible week when the best thing I can say is "at least no one's dead."
likesthecoat: (earthrise)
Jack, it's me. I'm on my way to Swansea right now but I had to tell you this. Um. Martha and I talked at lunch and . . . she told me what happened while you were gone.

I can't get it out of my head, Jack.

[long pause]

Well, you have my mobile number and Martha will look after you and I'll be back on Monday. I hope we can talk then.

likesthecoat: (because it is my heart)
[Filtered to Dean]

Dean, I'm so, so sorry. I can't even say how much. I'll miss him terribly.

[Filtered to Lorne]

They're not letting me go to Atlantis.

O'Neill called me into his office about half an hour ago and told me I failed the psych evaluation. He said I show a tendency towards OCD. I said yes, I put that on my application but I also put that it's under control. He said no, the psych eval said it's not and they can't accept me.

I told him that was bullshit and he said he's sorry but that's the rules. They're giving me an hour to pack and say goodbye to people and tell whoever needs telling that I'm coming home, and now there's that note from Dean about Sam, and I . . . god, I need you so much.

I don't know what to think. To have come this far and be turned away at the last minute, and for such a flimsy reason . . . I hate to sound paranoid but there has to be something more. I can't help but think this has something to do with Saxon and everything that went on yesterday, that they think I'm some kind of spy for him or something and are just using the OCD as an excuse. God, I don't know.

Devastated doesn't even begin to describe it.

I guess I'm going home. At least I still have the flat. I just . . . everything we hoped for, everything we dreamed of, gone, just like that.

[Filtered to Jack]

There's been a sudden change of plans and I find myself out of a job. I understand you're short one secretary. Shall I send you a C.V.?
likesthecoat: (in these stones horizons sing)
[Private Entry]
I have been pacing around my quarters for the last fifteen minutes, trying to decide what to do next.

If he asks, I'll go. He won't ask, but if he did, I still would.

That's . . . not what I expected to feel right now.

Of course, if I weren't here, I'd be in Nepal with the others. Just as helpless and even more incommunicado.

I knew he wouldn't be able to look after himself without me.

This is crazy.
likesthecoat: (peace comes from within)
[Private Entry]

In approximately 28 hours I board the plane for the US and leave all this behind me.

I feel . . . mostly at peace about this. I'm going to miss my family and the people at Torchwood. I'm going to miss Cardiff. But I already miss Jack, and there's nothing to be done about that except appreciate the memories, I suppose.

It's a new life. It's what I want, with the person I want. I think after everything that's happened, I've earned this.

[Filtered to Lorne]

I had a good visit with my parents today. They're so happy I'm moving on. Of course, they never knew the truth about Torchwood so they think I'm finally fulfilling my potential after grieving Lisa for far too long. They're excited for me, and they're glad I'm going to be with you. (They were a little confused about how I'll be working at a military base, but I explained it as much as I could, emphasizing the research bits.)

Dad said he expects you to keep me in the style to which I'm accustomed, by the way.


Dec. 2nd, 2007 12:27 pm
likesthecoat: (cardiff castle)
[Private Entry]

Everybody is mad about this Saxon bloke. I don't see it. He's charismatic, I suppose, but I can't figure out where he actually stands on any policies. The EU, racial issues, London's attitudes towards Wales, immigration . . . it's like he just smiles and makes hand puppets whenever reporters ask him questions, and everyone just smiles and applauds.

It's very strange.

Oh well. People will surely see through it by election day.

And what does it say about me that I'd rather talk about politics to myself than figure out how to fix things with Lorne? I don't know what to say about Lorne. We came closer to breaking up than I care to be again, but until we can find a way to be . . . I don't know, more open with each other, we probably will get there again.

I'm excited to see Atlantis. I'm excited to take part in this project. But most of all I want to be with him. Isn't that enough for him? Why isn't that enough?

As for Jack . . . Jack, Jack, Jack. What I feel for him doesn't matter anymore, does it? Even if I could figure it out, he's gone. If I love him, that's not going to bring him back.

I suppose the important thing is to never make Lorne feel like a consolation prize. I've never felt like I was settling or making do. I don't how to convince him of this other than showing him and telling him, but if even then he doesn't believe me . . .

Maybe retcon is the best thing to do. Take Jack out of my memory completely. Then Lorne won't feel he's in competition with anyone anymore.
likesthecoat: (torchwood (text))
[Filtered to friends]

Jack's missing.

It's like whatever happened to him triggered something, pulled someone's attention to him. I don't know anymore. We're studying the tapes but the only clue is a sound I never thought I'd hear again, and I don't know what to make of it.

It's all mad. And somewhere in all of this, we've got to go vote for a new prime minister.

Please be patient with me if I can't handle all the absurdities of my life.
likesthecoat: (earthrise)
[Private Entry]

Gwen was right.

And I'm happy and relieved and glad . . . and still a bit dazed from that kiss.

I just want to sit with him and hold him close, keep him warm.

Don't know what I'm going to say to Lorne about this. "Jack's not dead after all--and by the way, I got one hell of a kiss hello."

Just when I thought things were getting simple again.
likesthecoat: (because it is my heart)
[Private Entry]

The only thing that's making this at all bearable is that Lorne is here.

Gwen is still watching over him. I don't know what she thinks will happen.

I think we're all numb. Numb and miserable. Tosh is keeping us occupied with tending to the rift manipulator. Probably for the best: if I'm working, I'm not missing him.

Not as much, anyway.

I should clean out his office.

Not today.


likesthecoat: (Default)

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