Ianto Jones

The key is not to panic.

I've run into Daleks before, at Torchwood London. They are ruthless. They are hugely xenophobic, to the point that all other life forms are worthy only of death. And they are nigh unto impossible to kill.

If you see one, don't even run. They'll just shoot you in your tracks. Surrender instead. It may earn you a few more minutes of life.


I'm hopeful it's just our Earth they're invading. I pray that's so.


Stay safe, all of you. Hold tight to your loved ones.


Oh, God, Kai-baby. Daddy and Tada love you so much.


[Private Entry]

I have never seen Jack just shut down the way he has. Somehow, that scares me more than the rest of this.

[Filtered to friends]

We had a productive weekend here at the house: it is babyproofed within an inch of its life, if a house has a life, and it was field-tested by Rhodri himself. Matilda also got a taste of what it's going to be like from here on out: Rhodri was quite enamored of her and Matilda has decided he's part of the pack. I have a few pictures of the two of them sleeping on the floor together. I'm thrilled she was so patient: this bodes well for when Kai gets here.

Had some good talks with Mum and E&E, as well, so I'm feeling a lot more prepared than I had been for what it takes to look after a toddler. It's quite different from just playing with them for a few hours and then giving them back to Mummy, but with patience and energy it should work out.

[Private Entry]
Had a long talk with Jack, as well, before everyone got here, mainly about the sheer terror I've had at being a terrible father. Parenthood is like nothing else, and as much as I've thought about it and observed it there's really nothing that prepares you for it, is there? But he calmed me down and reminded me I brought him up well (his phrase), so I should do fine with a baby.

So I think I can handle this. And even if I can't . . . well, I will, anyway.

[Private Entry]

Owen was knocked out for a few hours by a stun gun--well, stun stick, I suppose--and Jack is currently in the cells because he's possessed by an alien entity.

Fucking Torchwood.

At least Lorne is here. We're still not at a place where we can hold hands and be comfortable again, but he's smiling at me sometimes.

It helps.

Looks like it's going to be an all-nighter, figuring this out.

I took Lorne up to the Orkney Islands for his birthday. (And so I'd get a little vacation: Lorne made me promise not to think about the wedding or the house while we were there. I managed, mostly.) We got back late last night. No TV for four days, and I haven't even looked at a newspaper until today.

And now there's a bloody great hole where Los Angeles used to be.

*sighs*

(I asked Jack this morning why he didn't call me back and he gave me the most innocent look ever and said, "I wanted to prove we can manage without you--and look! The world's still here!"

This time, Harkness. This time.)

[Filtered to friends]

I will never get used to this.

Not to mention saving the day with seconds to spare.


And more bloody shirts to replace, and the duct tape adhesive to clean off the SUV.



[Private Entry]

Dear aliens everywhere,

stop killing Jack, please.

Thanks ever so,

Ianto

Dear TIC,

The Captain has cracked his nut. Please send help.

Yours,

Ianto


He's a good singer, though.





[ooc: La.]

[Voicemail]
Jack, it's me. I'm on my way to Swansea right now but I had to tell you this. Um. Martha and I talked at lunch and . . . she told me what happened while you were gone.

I can't get it out of my head, Jack.

[long pause]

Well, you have my mobile number and Martha will look after you and I'll be back on Monday. I hope we can talk then.

Bye.

[Private Entry]
I have been pacing around my quarters for the last fifteen minutes, trying to decide what to do next.

If he asks, I'll go. He won't ask, but if he did, I still would.

That's . . . not what I expected to feel right now.

Of course, if I weren't here, I'd be in Nepal with the others. Just as helpless and even more incommunicado.

I knew he wouldn't be able to look after himself without me.


This is crazy.

[Private Entry]

Everybody is mad about this Saxon bloke. I don't see it. He's charismatic, I suppose, but I can't figure out where he actually stands on any policies. The EU, racial issues, London's attitudes towards Wales, immigration . . . it's like he just smiles and makes hand puppets whenever reporters ask him questions, and everyone just smiles and applauds.

It's very strange.

Oh well. People will surely see through it by election day.

And what does it say about me that I'd rather talk about politics to myself than figure out how to fix things with Lorne? I don't know what to say about Lorne. We came closer to breaking up than I care to be again, but until we can find a way to be . . . I don't know, more open with each other, we probably will get there again.

I'm excited to see Atlantis. I'm excited to take part in this project. But most of all I want to be with him. Isn't that enough for him? Why isn't that enough?

As for Jack . . . Jack, Jack, Jack. What I feel for him doesn't matter anymore, does it? Even if I could figure it out, he's gone. If I love him, that's not going to bring him back.

I suppose the important thing is to never make Lorne feel like a consolation prize. I've never felt like I was settling or making do. I don't how to convince him of this other than showing him and telling him, but if even then he doesn't believe me . . .

Maybe retcon is the best thing to do. Take Jack out of my memory completely. Then Lorne won't feel he's in competition with anyone anymore.

[Private Entry]

Gwen was right.

And I'm happy and relieved and glad . . . and still a bit dazed from that kiss.

I just want to sit with him and hold him close, keep him warm.



Don't know what I'm going to say to Lorne about this. "Jack's not dead after all--and by the way, I got one hell of a kiss hello."



Just when I thought things were getting simple again.