[internet cafe] fy calon i yn anafen

[likesthecoat]

I feel the need to explain myself a little. I loved a woman called Lisa. She died. I'm dealing with it--sometimes well, sometimes poorly.

Tonight has been one of the 'poorly' nights. I saw a woman on the street on the way home tonight who looked so much like Lisa I almost called her name.

Here's something they don't tell you about grief: sometimes it just hits you when you think you're fine, you're doing okay, you're going to get on with living. Just when I think I'm moving on and rebuilding my life, something small like this happens and completely wrecks me again. I feel blindsided by it, like I've been knocked down from behind.

I've been struggling with whether to leave this entry private, or filter it, or write it in Welsh just to say it without saying it--but I'm tired of hiding everything I feel even here.

This is really me, denizens of TIC, and in all honesty I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish by being open.

I miss her. That's all it is, and it's so much.

Comments

[morethanteaboy.livejournal.com]

[Private to Lorne]
Has he passed? I'm sorry. I didn't realize.

[rockscientist.livejournal.com]

[Private to Ianto]


Yeah, he died just before I started at the Academy. It's been a while. I'm only just now realizing that he was a pretty good guy.

[morethanteaboy.livejournal.com]

[Private to Lorne]
I think that's surprisingly common, not realizing what good men our fathers were until we're men ourselves.

[rockscientist.livejournal.com]

[Private to Ianto]


I suspect that's true. I wish it hadn't taken me so long, though.

[morethanteaboy.livejournal.com]

[Private to Lorne]
I think that's human nature, not seeing something until it's gone.