Ianto Jones

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Today was a rather terrifying day to be a parent. Kai seems to be unharmed from the ... whatever it was. (Jack theorized that it was a pulse of some kind, but that was before the second ... whatever it was.) Matilda is keeping close to him, of course.

Anyway, we're working on it. I came home basically for us to have supper together and kiss Kai goodnight, and then it's back to work.

Kai played football this weekend for the first time. He had the unfair advantage of being tiny and adorable, and so the opposing team let him get in several goals and wasn't too fussed about fouls and outs. (We'll worry more about rules when we put him on an actual team in a year or two.)

(Lorne made a lot of noises about baseball being a superior game, but I've been to a baseball game and I know the truth about that I exaggerate. He's just glad it's not rugby. He's familiar with the scars I have from it.

Baseball is still a very slow game. Verrrry slooooooow.)

(He also shouted "Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooalllllllllllll!!!" a lot, even when nobody made a goal, which confused Kai.)

(My husband is a dork.)

(Love you, baby.)

Had a quiet birthday this year.

Kai boggled at all the candles on my cake: when I told him there were twenty-nine of them he said, "Tada, you're old!"

Yes, beloved baby, I'm old.

I got some lovely gifts, though, many of them coffee-oriented, and my husband is going to love me up good as per our tradition.

I will leave you all with that mental image. Good night.

I hope your holidays were as lovely as ours.

Father Christmas came for the children, of course, and they were up early to see what he brought. Kai was a bit baffled by all the gifts and food, but he's a mellow child and pretty much just rolled with it.

(And between family, friends, and Torchwood, he made out like a bandit.)


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Jou, thank you so much for the gifts. The boys loved their four-wheelers (steered by Da and Daddy) and I'm emailing you the pictures I took.

And everything else was just stunning in its generosity. You're a good friend to our boys and believe me, the families appreciate it. You should be getting a thank-you note from Ellie soon.

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Jack is cross with me, Gwen is cross with Jack, and I suspect Lorne is cross with Jack and me.

Fun times.

You see, there was a boy named Jonah Bevan. He disappeared seven months ago, and came back about four months ago. But he came back different--came back aged and wounded and mad.

I thought I was doing the right thing, letting Gwen know where Jonah could be found, but now Gwen is even further disillusioned, Jonah's mother doesn't want to see him, and Jack and I had a long talk involving words like "trust" and "secrets." Well, he did most of the talking. Well, yelling. Well, not that much yelling. Jack rarely yells at me. What he does is worse--he's disappointed.

And that's . . . that's hard to take.

So I'm home now and playing with Kai, since he loves me unconditionally and never looks at me like I've broken his heart. It's always good to be reminded of why we do this.

Lorne's project for today is building a fence for the back garden, so Kai and Matilda can play in a little more safety. So this morning we all went to the home store to buy supplies. (Milena had a great time chasing Kai up and down the aisles. Or Kai had a great time running away from her. One of those.)

Then afterwards we went to a toy store and got Kai this, so he can "help Daddy" without actually being near any power tools. He about spazzed out with joy when we took it out of the box, and he's banging happily away with his hammer right now on the back deck. (Matilda, on the other hand, has hidden herself under the couch. I can see her nose if I look down.)

I think my job today is mostly to keep Lorne well-supplied with lemonade and beer, and possibly also to make sandwiches.

We got back home yesterday after Lorne's birthday trip to London, and I suspect it's going to be quite some time before we leave for so long again. Kai did not take the absence well. I suppose we should have realized it was too soon to leave him overnight.

The moment we walked in the door Kai latched onto Lorne and wouldn't let go--wouldn't even let Lorne out of his sight. Maureen said he hardly cried the whole time, but he was very quiet and sad no matter how much she played with him, and spent a lot of time lying on Matilda in the front hall.

I'd told Maureen to call my parents if she needed any help with him, so she had them come on Sunday and I think he got a little comfort from having both grandmums and grandad around. Dad says he got Kai to play with him in the back garden for a little while, just chasing a ball around with Matilda. He didn't like it when Bronwen, our neighbor, came over to walk Matilda: he wanted to go with them, even though she had some bigger dogs with her, too. (One of them reminded Dad of our old dog Herwyr. I miss that old girl.) Dad ended up walking with them and carrying Kai, and he and Bronwen had a good chat on their route.

We ended up sleeping with Kai between us last night, and when I said goodbye this morning he put his arms around my neck and whimpered a little. I patted his back and told him I loved him, and when I gave him back to Lorne he just curled up into the smallest little ball.

Small child with abandonment issues. This is going to be tough.

Lorne and Kai are napping together on the couch. Matilda is keeping a watchful eye. And I'm getting the house ready for Maureen to arrive tomorrow.


Feel free to envy me this perfection.


Euan and Ellie came over last night. The first meeting of Kai and Rhodri went something like this:
Rhodri: But I'm the baby!
Kai: I'm also the baby!
Rhodri: You can't be the baby!
Kai: But I am the baby!
Rhodri: Are you sure you're the baby?
Kai: I'm a perfectly good baby!
Rhodri: Okay, I guess you're a baby. Lego?
Kai: LEGO!!!

Only with more poking and exploratory biting. It was kind of like having three puppies rolling around on the floor once Matilda got involved.

Mum and Dad have also been to visit, and it took a while for Kai to warm up to them but he was cuddling and comfortable by the time they left. Macsen came with them (he's still living with them, much to everyone's relief) and he kept saying, "Kids, mate. Kids," like he couldn't believe it. I can't quite believe it myself, but I love rediscovering it every day.

The plan is, once Maureen arrives and has recovered from jet lag, for me to go back to work full time and she and Lorne will find a nanny for when his leg is healed and he can come back to work as well. Jack is also starting to make noises about hiring a new doctor, but he prefers to let staff find us than seek anyone out so it might be months.

I hear stirring. Must run.

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We had a productive weekend here at the house: it is babyproofed within an inch of its life, if a house has a life, and it was field-tested by Rhodri himself. Matilda also got a taste of what it's going to be like from here on out: Rhodri was quite enamored of her and Matilda has decided he's part of the pack. I have a few pictures of the two of them sleeping on the floor together. I'm thrilled she was so patient: this bodes well for when Kai gets here.

Had some good talks with Mum and E&E, as well, so I'm feeling a lot more prepared than I had been for what it takes to look after a toddler. It's quite different from just playing with them for a few hours and then giving them back to Mummy, but with patience and energy it should work out.

[Private Entry]
Had a long talk with Jack, as well, before everyone got here, mainly about the sheer terror I've had at being a terrible father. Parenthood is like nothing else, and as much as I've thought about it and observed it there's really nothing that prepares you for it, is there? But he calmed me down and reminded me I brought him up well (his phrase), so I should do fine with a baby.

So I think I can handle this. And even if I can't . . . well, I will, anyway.