Ianto Jones

[Private Entry]

It's all too much, these last few days.

I refuse to believe we've lost our chance at happiness, but I don't see much hope in our immediate future. I don't want Lorne to retire for me, but that will mean waiting until he's at the retirement age. Twenty-five years of waiting and hoping and a few days here, a week or two there.

I'll be fifty.



Mum is so worried. She's been hovering over me all day. Now we know where I get it from.



Euan wants to go out for a beer but I don't want to face a pub. I want to get back to Cardiff. I'm needed there.


It's a terrible week when the best thing I can say is "at least no one's dead."

[Filtered to Dean]

Dean, I'm so, so sorry. I can't even say how much. I'll miss him terribly.




[Filtered to Lorne]

They're not letting me go to Atlantis.

O'Neill called me into his office about half an hour ago and told me I failed the psych evaluation. He said I show a tendency towards OCD. I said yes, I put that on my application but I also put that it's under control. He said no, the psych eval said it's not and they can't accept me.

I told him that was bullshit and he said he's sorry but that's the rules. They're giving me an hour to pack and say goodbye to people and tell whoever needs telling that I'm coming home, and now there's that note from Dean about Sam, and I . . . god, I need you so much.

I don't know what to think. To have come this far and be turned away at the last minute, and for such a flimsy reason . . . I hate to sound paranoid but there has to be something more. I can't help but think this has something to do with Saxon and everything that went on yesterday, that they think I'm some kind of spy for him or something and are just using the OCD as an excuse. God, I don't know.

Devastated doesn't even begin to describe it.

I guess I'm going home. At least I still have the flat. I just . . . everything we hoped for, everything we dreamed of, gone, just like that.




[Filtered to Jack]

There's been a sudden change of plans and I find myself out of a job. I understand you're short one secretary. Shall I send you a C.V.?

I thought no one of my acquaintance was diabolical enough to get me into a speedo.

Alone, they are not. Combined is another story.



(My friends are strange. But I like them. I think I'll keep them.)

[Voice post]
Transcription:

"Hi, this is Sam! I'm posting to Ianto's journal! I'm having a great time in Cardiff and I totally kicked Ianto's ass at Guitar Hero. And Lorrrrne . . . Lornie, we're drunk and talking about you and--"

[sounds of scuffling, laughter]

"Hi, this is Ianto and don't believe a word Sam says. He lies. He's a big overgrown liar with a terrible grasp of Welsh--"

"Hey!"

[more sounds of scuffling]

"This is Sam again and Ianto's a complete and total wuss who listens to chick rock while he cries about--"

"You wore my corsage all day!"

"You bought me the corsage! Lorne, you should be here so Ianto stops--"

[more laughing, dial tone]

For those of you concerned about Sam's whereabouts, he just phoned: he won't be making it to Cardiff after all but will be going straight back to Amsterdam.

I can work late tonight after all, sir.